What I know I need

The situation we find ourselves in caused everybody to drop what they were doing and hunker down wherever it was that they found themselves living at the time. But I am really grateful to discover is that place for me is somewhere safe and loving and has everything we need to not only survive this but to use this as a time of growth. As an eternal optimist I find my mind is constantly trying to find the silver linings in everything and with that comes tremendous guilt for recognizing that in many ways my self isolation prison is somewhere that a lot of people would be so much better off to be in. One thought that has kept me going throughout the last few weeks has been thinking about how I can learn from this and what I can take away from this into the unknown murky future that nobody can really visualize yet. Taking nightly walks after the boys go to bed, listening to my favourite podcast has shown me that I need time to myself – but beyond that I need to remove myself from absolutely everything so that I can actually give myself the gift of time alone. I know that I need to ask for help and to also accept it when it’s being offered because this arrangement doesn’t work without partnership. The people that I would turn to for answers don’t have them for this, nobody does, so I look out for the things that bring me comfort and I try to nurture them because we don’t know what tomorrow brings. My children depend on me not only for their needs but also for (what I now know to be the false) sense of safety parents can offer when really we don’t know if everything is going to be OK. Having the privilege of disconnecting from reality and focussing on what can be the daily, relentless slog of parenthood is something I am trying to make a concerted effort not to take for granted anymore as I hear stories of frontliners leaving their children to go and take care of all of us. But whether your battle is over bedtime or risking your own health for that of others, everyone is struggling right now and everyone is fighting a war. But we are also searching for signs of hope so if you don’t do anything else today maybe just try to keep your eyes open for them.